Moving on after an ending can be so difficult. It's one of the hardest things we go through Sometimes closure looks differently than we imagine it. Sometimes we don't get all of the answers. Sudden loss is the worst.
You didnt love her. You just didnt want o be alone. Or maybe, maybe she was just food for your ego. Or, or maybe she made you feel better about your miserable life, but you didnt love her. Because you dont destroy people you love.